When a woman is self-absorbed, opinionated, loud, and aggressive as a leader, her staff will likely call her a b***h.  Many women have complained that this is "sexism" so I want to set the record straight:  Yes it is sexism - because if a man is argumentative, opinionated, loud, or aggressive as a leader, his staff will likely call him an a**hole.  I suppose when bad female leaders are called as**holes instead of b***hes this will be a sign that glass ceiling has been deemed broken.

Seriously, I started becoming a better leader when I finally understood the difference between managing and leading.  My personal simplified distinction is that "managing" is focusing on the work; "leading" is focusing on the people.  Working in startups, there is little opportunity for formal leadership training.  It's a shame really, as I've met too many a**holes and b***hes in the workplace that with some training had the capacity to transform themselves into great leaders - but didn't.   Unfortunately, because several visionary leaders got away with being a**holes on the job, like Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, and Larry Ellison, there is a tendency to excuse this behavior in a visionary CEO.  But these are the exceptions - more likely if a CEO acts like this in a startup environment, they'll have a very difficult time hanging on to key staff, and ultimately this has a lot to do with why so many company founders are kicked out of a company.

On leading:  When staff members genuinely have a sense that you care about them, their success and career development, it's amazing how much more productive they become.   Once I understood this, I drastically changed my behavior towards leadership vs. management.  For example, I started having my power lunches, and in each used the opportunity to ask where they saw themselves in 3 years - what organizational title did they aspire to?  Then we'd discuss what positions we should target for them within the company (my department or any other) to get them there. We'd talk about the projects I'd given them, and what besides the work output I wanted them to glean, whether it be better time-management skills, better leadership within a cross-functional team, negotiation skills, or selling skills (for non-salespeople especially!).  This way they could see a direct connection between the project they were working on and a softer skill they needed to develop to be successful in their career longer term.  

Very rarely will you find out that you're an a**hole or a b***h.  If you discover that these terms are used to describe you, I encourage you not to take offense but view it as an opportunity to really look at your leadership style and what your priorities are.  Since these terms will likely be used out of your earshot, those of you who are willing to question whether others would use these terms to describe you are in a PERFECT position to make adjustments.  I have found that the best leaders are highly introspective people.

Here's a question - where do you go to get tips on how to be a better leader?  I can't find really good websites or blogs that aren't geared towards selling a book or consulting services.  Curious if you have found a source that has really impacted your ability to focus on being a better leader, or if this is something you'd like to see more of right here.