SweetieGate
I'm really pleased that 70% of the readership of this blog is male - that I could earn such praise as a professional and as a woman is a huge achievement. I love working with men and have had GREAT colleagues and mentors of the
male persuasion.
That puts me in a unique position to comment on Obama's recent outrageous-unbelievable- slanderous comment -- He called a professional woman "sweetie". I'm kidding of course - it was certainly wrong, but the number of comments and blog posts on news sites on Sweetiegate (read ABC news post here) and especially the comments, make it clear that what happened is extremely misunderstood.
As a professional woman who has made it to the executive suite, I'd like to explain why it is bad manners for a man to call a woman he barely knows "sweetie" or the ever-popular "kiddo" in a professional setting: Because it creates a very subtle power play in that it immediately lets her know that you consider yourself to be in a senior position to her. This is always disrespectful, because if you are more senior, then as a respectful, secure executive you don't need to show this in your language. And if you're not more senior, then you're totally dissing the woman by using a term that assumes that you are - so either way you lose.
When a stranger, boss or peer calls a woman sweetie or kiddo it will create resentment that you may be completely oblivious to. I do compare it to the days when people called a black man "boy" - which makes it all the more ironic that it is a black man that needed this particular education.
I'm not upset with Obama, and any man that can partner with a strong woman like Michelle obviously believes in equality among the sexes so he gets a pass as, like 90% of men who commit this error, he wasn't intentionally being disrespectful. Likely it was a woman who pointed out his error, but his apology still puts him in the class of about 1% of men who apologize for this slight.
That puts me in a unique position to comment on Obama's recent outrageous-unbelievable- slanderous comment -- He called a professional woman "sweetie". I'm kidding of course - it was certainly wrong, but the number of comments and blog posts on news sites on Sweetiegate (read ABC news post here) and especially the comments, make it clear that what happened is extremely misunderstood.
As a professional woman who has made it to the executive suite, I'd like to explain why it is bad manners for a man to call a woman he barely knows "sweetie" or the ever-popular "kiddo" in a professional setting: Because it creates a very subtle power play in that it immediately lets her know that you consider yourself to be in a senior position to her. This is always disrespectful, because if you are more senior, then as a respectful, secure executive you don't need to show this in your language. And if you're not more senior, then you're totally dissing the woman by using a term that assumes that you are - so either way you lose.
When a stranger, boss or peer calls a woman sweetie or kiddo it will create resentment that you may be completely oblivious to. I do compare it to the days when people called a black man "boy" - which makes it all the more ironic that it is a black man that needed this particular education.
I'm not upset with Obama, and any man that can partner with a strong woman like Michelle obviously believes in equality among the sexes so he gets a pass as, like 90% of men who commit this error, he wasn't intentionally being disrespectful. Likely it was a woman who pointed out his error, but his apology still puts him in the class of about 1% of men who apologize for this slight.
I am not an Obama supporter but I'll give him a pass. He travels non-stop, has to talk non-stop when he is awake. In this environment you will say a lot of stupid things. If he repeats that is another story but for now I say give him a pass. I'm X100 more upset with some of his wife's comments on what kind of nation we have now and he infamous faux pas on "being proud of America for first time"
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I just wrote a very similar post on my blog. I agree 100%.
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Excellent post about the importance of thinking before speaking. Granted, a Presidential candidate utters thousands of more words per day for public consumption than the rest of us, but it only takes one gaffe to derail public perception of your candidacy/brand.
Obama's detractors point to his alleged "elitism" and "arrogance" and seize incidents like this as evidence.
Personally, I believe one must have a certain amount of arrogance to believe oneself worthy of the job of President, and this is a fairly minor flub, but it's a perfect example of why treating others with complete respect not only is the kind thing to do, but a good practice for one's own benefit.
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Ms. Roan,
Another excellent article from someone I consider one of the most brilliant minds in the marketing world today!
As someone who's been involved with a number of 'old boys' type companies, I've seen executives commit this corporate sin many times before. Most times, I'm sure they don't mean to be condescending but, you're very right, it does create a very subtle power play that can hinder or even totally undermine the employee. Personally, I think it's suicide and, totally out of place in a business setting, for someone to refer to someone as 'sweetie'. And, to be fair, I've often worked with a lot of women who have this habit and I don't find it anymore appropriate from the fairer sex than I do from my male counterparts.
Lastly, I wanted to let you know I am totally addicted to Startup Junkies! The shows surrounding Earth Class Mail were fantastic and were more like attending a business seminar than entertainment. Every new episode I've learned something new.
Anyway, thank you for this blog and your insights. I look forward to reading more!
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Anthony, you bring up a great point about women using the term as well - It is inappropriate all the way around. When women do it, it comes off as "mothering" which is demeaning for the man to have to hear from someone other than his grandmother, and frankly shows limited leadership aptitude on the part of the woman. Mothering types do not generally get the corner office.
Natalee
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